Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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