Is it because I queefed?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
