I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
