My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
