omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
