did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
