She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
