You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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