Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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