he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
