JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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