I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
