if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
