I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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