I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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