Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
