I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
