he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
