Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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