How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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