I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
