Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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