I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
