i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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