i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
