i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
