her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
