That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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