Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
