How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sobbing to NWA
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
