So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
