I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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