I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
