Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
