i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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