I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
