the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
