you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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