Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
