hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I haven't been this sober since birth.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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