i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
