i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
