I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
