I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
