Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize