You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
