There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
