So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
