woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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