Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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