Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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