his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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