Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
