what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
