It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
