I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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