you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
