I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
