You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
