video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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