I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
