I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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