so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
