If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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