dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
