Im at strip club and am horny
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
