you would pick up someone in the library
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
