Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
