I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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