Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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