Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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