Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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